


Heart's Miracle

by eustassya



Category: Durarara
Genre: I wrote this on a plane, M/M, SO MANY FEELS AHAHA
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-13
Updated: 2015-02-13
Packaged: 2018-03-12 04:59:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3344495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eustassya/pseuds/eustassya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by "Kokoro Kiseki", by Kagamine Rin. Psyche is a robot created by a lonely scientist, but he is incomplete - what he needs, is a heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heart's Miracle

**Author's Note:**

> Hi hi~ this is actually my first fic, but I'm only uploading it now. Well.. Idk what else to say so.. Enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: The characters are Narita's. I only own the story.

"Shizuo, you can't do it! It's impossible!" Two male voices. One deeper, one lighter. "I don't care. I'll do it somehow. I-I have to.." A sigh. "I'll find a way. Izaya...-" "Izaya is dead! Can't you see that?!" "Of course I can! I- " Battery fully charged. Automatic start up in progress. I blink my eyes, lenses focus on two humans directly in front. Taller one in a bartender suit, long bleached blond hair, purple sunglasses, seems to be upset. Shorter one in a surgeon's coat, short-cropped brown hair, black framed glasses, frowning deeply. They both turn their heads towards me, possibly due to the beeping.

"Shizuo...." The blondie is Shizuo. "Don't try to stop me." And the doctor is Shinra. I open my mouth. Testing, testing, 1, 2, 3. Speakers, functioning. Lenses, functioning. Joints and connecting wires, functioning. Battery, functioning. All systems check. "H-hello..?" My voice is high, higher than I expected. HD vision. 720p. Good. Speakers? High quality. Fantastic. Sound sensors? Built-in, extra sensitive. Perfect. I smile. I must have been expensive. Blondie waves a hand in my face. I blink again. Focus lenses. "Hello? Do you know who I am? Is everything working?" I nod. "You're Shizu-chan. All systems are functioning perfectly." He gives a smile of approval. "Good. Then, your name is........."

Psyche. What a strange name. Shinra leaves, shaking his head and muttering to himself. Shizuo smiles at me. "Well then, Psyche. Let's start connecting the information.." He hooks me up to a computer. Processing information. Shiki. Shinra. Celty. Saki. Namie Yagiri. Mikado Ryuugamine. Kida Masaomi. Sonohara Anri. Kyohei Kadota- Dotachin. Erika Karisawa. Simon.  
Russia Sushi. Ikebukuro. Shinjuku. Shinra's apartment. My penthouse.  
Shizuo's apartment. Shiki's headquarters. Hospital. Raijin Academy. Faces, people, places, sounds. My memory space fills up rapidly. Suddenly he unplugs the USB. "?" I stare at him blankly. "It's not perfected yet... Your body might not be able to handle all of it. Remember, do not ever touch this computer. Ever." He waggles a finger to emphasize. "Never ever." I repeat.

He smiles a lot, but different feelings also show on his face even though he's smiling. Longing, anger, loneliness. I save the expressions into my memory space. "Psyche, could you get me a glass of milk?" Milk. White liquid from a blue-and-white-striped tetra box. I open the fridge and look inside. Milk. Pour it into a glass. Transparent fragile item used to hold drinking liquids. Glass. Milk. Bring it over to Shizuo. "Here." He looks at me a bit too long, his deep brown eyes reflect regret, apology. But for what reason? I do not know.

I often hear him muttering to himself. "Shizu-chan, what's wrong?" But he would always brush off my automated 'concern' with a wave of his hand and a shake of his head. My knowledge limits me to doing basic household chores, laundry, sweeping the floor, making breakfast and dinner. Every morning, he leaves the house for work, comes back in the evening looking tired and smelling of smoke. Leaves the house empty, except for me.

The black walls of the penthouse are shiny, and they show my reflection. White coat, white pants, white headphones with pink streaks. Pink eyes, beautiful porcelain skin, jet-black fluffy soft hair. I seem human, yet I am far from being human. Everything is perfect, all but one thing: feelings. A heart, or 'kokoro'. A program. A miracle Shizuo is trying to re-create. I learned that I was a miracle. My existence, my programming, everything. It was a scientific and technological breakthrough. But it was kept a secret, by Shizu-chan. Why did he keep me a secret? I had so many questions unanswered, yet I was afraid to ask. The biggest question, though, was: Why? Why was I created? What is the meaning behind my existence? I never got the answer.

Every night when he came back, he would hurriedly eat dinner, maybe take a shower, then sit down at the computer for hours and hours, until he passed out from exhaustion. Sometimes he would get days off, when Tom had to travel. He would always be on the computer, making me that 'kokoro'. I wondered if it was really that worth it. Wasting his time for a robot, instead of spending time with his companions. I asked him one time, and he smiled sadly at me. "It's for someone who was important to me.. What I'm trying to remake is his heart.. If that's possible." He let out a bitter laugh. I never brought up the topic again.

After a while, Shizuo started falling very sick. He was, as they say, getting old. One day, I saw him coughing badly into a handkerchief. When he brought it away from his mouth, it was stained red. Red, red, red with his blood. I watched blankly as he died before me. "Shizu-chan, what's wrong?" I hated my programming, for all it's restrictions. I loathed not being able to have feelings, to show genuine concern simply because I couldn't. I desperately wanted to be able to feel; to be able to understand what it's like. I wanted to be human. A dream that would never come true. Why? Because I'm a robot. Just an automaton that cannot feel, and follows a program - reactions, wants, needs. A program. Program. I hate that word.

Shizuo dies. Shinra and Celty, Kadota and his gang, the Orihara twins, Kasuka and his wife Ruri, Tom Tanaka and a bunch of other people attended the funeral. I was there, too. The Oriharas were sobbing and hugging each other, Erika was crying with Walker patting her shoulder, trying not to cry too. Kadota was visibly upset, but restrained himself from breaking down. Kasuka, the emotionless one, seemed shaken. As expected of him, though. Shinra was bawling like a baby, clinging onto Celty to prevent him from collapsing onto the ground in a weeping mess. Everyone wore black. I couldn't figure out how to change the color of my clothes, so I left it like that. They would understand. Shinra decided to bring me home, since Shizuo was no longer around. His things were moved to Shinra's, into the room I stayed in.

One by one, my companions left me. They disappeared from this world, probably joining Shizuo on the other side. I was left on my own, lonely and abandoned, for a few centuries. Celty had gotten her head back, and had left for Ireland. I was all alone in Ikebukuro, which was slowly disintegrating. The skies became grey, and blue, and red, the oceans rose and sank, the world changed. Technology improved, Ikebukuro was no longer necessary for the Japanese. And nobody had found me either. I felt abandoned. But I couldn't blame anyone, they were human; neither could I have blamed Celty. She left because her head told her to, not because she meant to leave me. True, she had admitted that seeing my face unsettled her, because 'it looked too much like someone she once knew', but she was okay with me. Even thought of me as a friend of sorts. But then she left. And I was alone, in a small, empty, dilapidated city.

Shizuo's words never left my memory. "Remember, do not ever touch this computer. Ever." he had said. Never ever. But.. I was lonely. During the time that I had been alone, I had been thinking a lot. I wondered, what is this kokoro? What is it like? What does it do? I tried to hold back, tried not to be so curious, but like they say, "Curiosity killed the cat". I decided to connect to it.

I started up the computer. Plugged myself in. Opened the program, sent the information. I waited for it to load.

The sudden rush of feelings had been unexpected. Memories, feelings, thoughts, opinions. Gushing into my weak aluminum body. Sorrow and regret engulfed me in waves. Faint happiness, bitter laughter, regret, flaming hot anger. Empty stare, blank mind, tears dripping uncontrollably down my face. 'Why won't the tears stop?' . 'Shizu-chan..' Memories. Flashbacks, of a life I never had, of the person who I had failed to be. Izaya's heart.

'Is this what I've been looking for? Is this what they all call a 'kokoro'?'

 

\--END--


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